Do I write songs to express myself or communicate?
As much as I think the nuts and bolts of how music works should be discussed, the experiences it provokes are not expression or communication from the composer, because if they were I’d be able to say something more profound about my music than ‘just listen to it, maybe you’ll get it.’
It’s often taken as a given that songwriters write songs to express themselves. ‘I write to express myself’ has become a cliché and as such the phrase is rarely examined for meaning.
There are several similar clichéd ideas – Music is communication, songwriters express themselves, put their hearts on their sleeves, use their songs to convey emotions, are moved by spiritual and artistic forces that aren’t susceptible to reason or thought.
‘Expressing myself’ surely means telling the listener what I am feeling. Communicating surely means attempt to convey thought feeling or idea as clearly as possible.
I’m not sure that’s what we do.
Like I have a Choice
Songwriting is compulsive. Since releasing my first solo album at the beginning of 2010 I’ve started to develop a little following – not enough of a fanbase to earn a living or even cover the costs of what I do to share my music – but enough that I know there are people who are going to listen to my music.
But even if they weren’t listening I’d still be writing. I’ve been doing it since I was about ten years old, it’s a part of who I am and what I do and I couldn’t image not doing it. Whether there is an audience to hear it or not my music would be made.
That doesn’t mean thought doesn’t go into it. I’ve put a lot of years into studying music, into listening and practicing and honing my craft. Music isn’t a theoretical paint by numbers exercise, but I’ve developed these skills so that when inspiration comes I’ve the toolkit to make full use of it. I can take those seeds of inspiration and grow them in the directions I want. Partly the composition process is conscious, partly it’s letting music happen and making sure you capture them properly.
Writing music is part rational, part non-rational.
Does songwriting have an emotional facet? Yes, I have a deep emotional connection with my songs – they stir feelings for me and I hope they will stir feelings in the audience.
Is that the same as expressing myself? Is that the same as communicating my feelings to you?
I don’t think so. I’m not trying to make you understand what I think or feel about something. If I wanted to communicate my ideas to you I’d write an essay (or at least type something rambling and ill-thought out like this). If I wanted to communicate how I feel – well I’m not sure that would be a worthwhile thing to do. You’re not a close friend or a family member and wearing my heart on my sleeve would be self indulgent, presumptious.
And anyway, wouldn’t that require that I still feel the same every time I perform a song? Performing is more like acting – a lie that hopefully invokes a feeling in the audience member.
All about the Listener
Which brings me to the person who actually should be feeling something in this. The songwriter should be concerned about you, the audience member. What are you feeling? Because my song is here to invoke an emotion in you. Perhaps an easily articulated emotion, joy or bittersweetness, but more likely that indefinable moment of art-time where you are swept up on a wave of feeling, carried by the song and then placed down again. And if anyone asks you how the song made you feel the best you can say is ‘just listen to it, maybe you’ll get it.’
Am I trying to express myself? The music doesn’t represent me – I’m not trying to say anything concrete or easily spoken about. I’m not trying to tell you how I feel, that’s none of your business any more than the feelings of an actor are your business. I’m not trying to communicate an intellectual idea either, music is singularly bad at doing that.
No, what I’m doing is.
Well.
Have a listen, hopefully you’ll get it.
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